Taking Turns

There was a time in American history when extended families commonly lived close (even shared the same land) and children were raised not just by their parents but under the daily influences of grandparents and aunts and uncles. What a relief it must have been for weary and emotional moms to pour out their frustrations to their mothers, grandmothers, and sisters while beating the tar out of a ball of yeast dough, only to have someone with more experienced hands push them into a chair with a cup of coffee and a gentle Here, honey, let me.

It must’ve been even more common then for mothers, grandmothers, aunts, sisters, and cousins to compare notes on illnesses, behavioral issues, and relationships as they worked side by side in the kitchen or washing clothes (and thinking about how hard that used to be just makes me swallow my complaints about using a washer and dryer so many times in one day). With so much family close by, it had to have been fairly easy for parents to rapidly gather fresh approaches (welcome and unwelcome) to the problems that plagued them most.

These days, most of us don’t have nearly the same blessing of proximity, but with all the instant communication technology we’ve assembled along with our transient lifestyles, we can’t really complain about this detail. There are other ways to allow our children (and ourselves) to benefit from these multi-faceted God-given influences. It is certainly true that playgroups were invented so that mothers could seek both adult conversation and a forum for discussing life’s most difficult issues. I have recently discovered the best method ever for lassoing fresh approaches. Here it is, free of charge: Go on a getaway cruise to Jamaica and Grand Cayman and leave your kids with your brother and sister-in-love. That plan is an excellent one, and definitely preferable to discussing things in committee while doing back-breaking work.:) We have first hand experience and pictures to prove it.:)

It was while Aunt Mo and Uncle Scott were in charge, and in fact a direct result of their influence, that we discovered a way to get Adam to try new foods. There are currently six foods (okay, I admit the exaggeration, maybe 7) that Adam will always eat. Remember that obnoxious game show during which the players would yell, “Come on now, no whammies, no whammies?” Well, for our son, autism and diabetes together are a double whammy when it comes to mealtimes. It has always been interesting to have a child who must eat who also literally suffers anxiety about odd oral sensations–including food textures (Adam has a dysfunctional tactile sensory integration system.). “Sorry, this is what we’re having for supper,” doesn’t really work for an autistic diabetic. Adam would rather die (literally, in his case) than taste something that feels slippery or chunky or gooey or extremely cold in his mouth. It is this fear that makes him politely push away the spoon whenever he notices anything unusual about his food (He loves spaghetti, for example, but I make it with angel hair pasta. Heaven forbid someone should substitute the fat noodles.:)).

Now, before I go any further, I should say that many autistic children take this phobia much further than Adam does. My hat goes off to the moms and dads out there with children who will only eat one color or texture of food. After I learned about a few of those kids, I realized that Adam’s picky eating wasn’t as challenging as I thought.

I have to say that one of the coolest things about my autistic children is that their deep love for (and need for) structure makes it very difficult for them to break rules or go against “the way things are supposed to be.” Riley would rather wear her flip flops to school everyday, but she talks herself out of it quickly by saying, “No flip flops at school. That’s a rule.” I suppose that for Adam, going against the grain feels about as uncomfortable as an having an odd food in his mouth.

While we were on our trip, Monica and Scott tried something new to get Adam to test out unusual (well, unusual for Adam) foods: taking turns. It’s a concept so simple I can’t believe we never thought of trying it, but then, it is difficult sometimes in the rhythm of life to stop the train and try a different route. Scott and Monica decided to go around the table and have each person take a bite, with much fanfare. When they got to Adam, all they had to say was “Adam’s turn!” I have since tried this technique and know exactly what transpired at that point. You can actually see the wheels turning. Adam is thinking, Oh. Adam’s turn. That means I have to try it. Okay, okay. I can do this. Then the sweet boy opens his mouth and tries a bite, even though everything else about his expression and body language is saying, Yuck!! This is going to feel terrible! Even so, when he has swallowed the food, it’s clear that he feels that he’s accomplished something great and relishes the congratulations we all give him.

Using the turn taking method, Uncle Scott and Aunt Monica got Adam to try several new things while we were away. Some things made him gag every time he tried to eat them, and other things surprised him by being less intolerable than he suspected. Since we’ve been home, I have used this method routinely to get Adam to try new foods. I always make sure that I have something I know he’ll eat, but I also always make him try at least one bite of whatever the rest of us are eating. He is clearly completely disgusted by tomato soup, but he can manage a few bites. So far things that require a lot of chewing or that have more complicated textures (baked macaroni and cheese, for example) have been impossible for him, but now, instead of just pushing away the spoon, he lets me put a spoonful in his mouth, and he tries his best. No matter how successful he is at eating these bites, we’re getting one step closer to getting him over his fear of unusual textures and foods that just look different.

I feel so blessed to be surrounded by talented, intelligent people who love my children and want the best for them. Thank you, Uncle Scott and Aunt Monica, for the great idea! So, now Adam is walking around smacking every flat surface he can find to feel and hear the reverberation (or lack there of) that follows his hand smack. With this behavior, he is trying to compensate either for his hypo-sensitive tactile system or for his hypo-sensitive vestibular system, as he shows dysfunction in both areas of sensory integration. Does anyone have ideas about constructive and more socially appropriate things Adam could do to stimulate that sensory system? Adam has a problem with obsessive/compulsive behaviors, so I need to find something he’ll enjoy at appropriate times without becoming obsessed. I welcome your comments and suggestions!