In the worst moments, our Riley drifts away from us. She wanders somewhere deep and lonely, somewhere we can’t follow.   It happens gradually, the going, the pulling away—a lost look in her eyes, the slow way she moves, the quiet we can feel.  We reach for her, calling her name, and she murmurs, trying […]

Sunday, she jams all of her money into a fish.  Three dollar bills, 2 quarters, 5 pennies, 9 nickels, and one dime—I watch her push it all deep inside with two fingers, hurried, urgent. My mom gave her the change purse for just this purpose.  That one dime lodges in the innards of the fish […]

Adam has a crush on a beautiful little girl—the fine-boned, blue-eyed daughter of one of my best friends. They arrived at the beach on a Wednesday afternoon, and we stood on the front porch to receive them, wrapped in the thick heat and humidity of the island.  The screen door snapped shut against the frame, […]

High tide, and the waves curl deep, pounding the sand into a cliff at the break line. I sit watching one shore break after another, absorbing powerful beauty, the explosion of white caps, hard and close. I would love these waves if they broke a little further out and I could ride them in fast […]

Five o’clock on the beach, and the light falls soft and golden on our shoulders. It doesn’t escape me that on normal days, this hour finds me weary and pushing through, juggling homework and dinner and a thousand other things, counting the moments until I can sit down.  Usually around five I can feel the […]

First light.  I sit on the porch facing the street, salt glaze on my finger tips, the house silent behind me. I peel back the skin of a banana, staring at the collection of water bottles at my feet.  For a moment, I feel jealous of everyone inside, sheets laying lightly on their skin, sleep […]

Tuesday morning, I run into the newborn sun, gold and yet untarnished. I wake early, get out while the breeze rushes cool.  I think of Riley, breathing my heart to God, whispering thanks.  5th grade graduation happens today, but I’ve been thinking about it for weeks.  I know, it seems silly to feel so much […]

Saturday, we pile in the van to take Zoe to a friend’s house for the afternoon, and I switch on navigation on my phone.  All the times Zoe’s been there to play, for birthday parties, and Kevin has always driven her.  Before we pull out of the driveway, the digital female voice has repeated the […]

Morning quiet, the day all new, and as Kevin and I sit eating breakfast in small savored bites, sipping coffee hot and steaming, Adam comes, carrying his notebook. He lays it out purposefully on the table next to Kevin’s place, spreading flat the pages of favorite finished worksheets, pressing his finger into the paper, pointing […]

It will look worse before it looks better. Spring cleaning in early summer (because it takes me weeks to find the sabbatical I’ve been chasing), and this I keep reminding myself while making dinner on a tiny slice of counter top in the kitchen.  In the background, the collection of pitchers I pushed back to […]