Groggy in the morning, and I read this verse, tapping my finger against the page: Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. (Ephesians 6:10-11) I read it while the steam curls from my […]

Show time, and my friend’s four year-old daughter refuses to sing.  From where I sit some rows back from the stage, I have the perfect view of her eyes—wide, expressive, and determined; dark pools surrounded by sweetness.  She frowns, one of those grimaces that betrays an effort to remain fierce and resolute, shaking her head […]

Here we are in the thick of the morning rush, my foot pump, pump, pumping the break, and she asks, “Mom, what are your plans for today?”  We move along the roadway like a pebble in a clogged stream, jerking irregularly, moving one moment and then suddenly not.  It feels as though I have to […]

Waiting at the stoplight on the way to school, drizzle dotting the windshield, and I grab my phone to take a picture of my daughter.  The cloud-cast makes her skin look more alabaster than olive-gold; makes her blue-gray eyes look stormy. “What’re you doing?” She asks.  But I catch the hint of a smile, just […]

She comes to find me on the porch, settling lightly on the double rocker next to me, shimmying her body close to mine.  The warm wind picks up a stray piece of her hair and plasters it across her forehead.  She leans against the pillows, considering me briefly, reaching up to tuck that wild strand […]

Her hair blows against my cheek, just one errant, brassy strand.  She laughs, and I laugh with her, taken by those eyes that have always been as blue as the sky just before a storm.  “You know, this is how it would have to be with us,” she says, lifting a hand toward the door, […]

I can miss so many things. Confession: I have an alarm that goes off like the first faint notes of a sonata half an hour before they get home, before the first one opens the door and drops her book bag right there, her pony tail all wilted.  I have to.  It’s long enough for […]

Some days just feel bruised—suddenly all purple-black and sore, tender. Putting the towels away, the still-warm stacks soft in my hands, I lean into the linen closet and allow the tears I’ve been swallowing to come, quietly.  At the moment, I am sick with seems and nevers, near-drowning in shadows and struggling hard just to breathe.  I can […]

She walks in just as I slide my weary bones down into the water, just as the steam curls up over my knees and I give thanks for simple pleasures I know full well that some do without—hot, clean water flowing by the gallons at the twist of a knob; sweet-smelling soap. Hi, she says […]

She apologizes to Kevin like we autism mamas do, ignoring the sharp, slicing pain it brings just to say the words. I’m sorry, my daughter–she has autism.  She doesn’t mean nothing by it.   She says this gesturing over something Kevin barely noticed, a failure to say hello, a back turned, a little stumble over […]