It’s as we pray at the end of the day, our bodies bending toward the ceasing, that Riley remembers loss, that she hears Kevin asking after comfort and peace for grieving loved ones and makes a sound like she’s been struck, a deep, penetrating noise that seems to rise from deep within her, trembling in […]

Oh! Riley says, sitting up straight, this a surprised, delighted sound bubbling up from her heart, an awareness awakening her, if temporarily, from a tired after work descent, her spine having already begun its curl toward sleep. “I heard back about my requests.” Keep awake, Christ urged repeatedly, because it takes intentionality to disengage from […]

Maybe it started with the letterboard sign that caught my eye in September, when it shouldn’t have felt like Fall outside but did, when something inside my heart pulled me toward surrender. I decided to actively anticipate the change of season, to savor the subtle shifts in the light of day, the darker nights, the […]

Every day from the bathroom upstairs where Riley showers, the music pours, pooling on the floor and sliding under the door and seeping through the ceiling until the whole house floods with worship. God, I’m on my knees again/God, I’m begging please again/I need you/Oh, I need you It might as well be that we […]

In the elevator, I can feel it, the waves of stay-out-of-my-way coming off of the one woman who happens to be riding when we roll in with all our too much, not, I do not mean, the suitcases rolling in with each of us like little sidecars or the backpacks slung over our shoulders. Really, […]

We pull into the hotel parking lot at eleven o’clock at night, the light long since gone and with it, our energy. Adam and I sit in the truck and wait while Kevin goes inside to check in, and I stare out the window looking for stars, counting pools of electric light illuminating the parking […]

Bea and I have been talking, lightly, about the weather.  August has felt milder than usual; we’ve already felt Fall drifting in on leaf-rustling breezes. We’ve enjoyed our thoughts of cozy things. Bea schedules transportation for the city, and she told me to ask for her by name, made up her mind to be a […]

Adam reminds me, leaning in at the table on a Saturday morning, his face all open to hear, that everyone needs a good rehearsal of hope, that good words re-heard can refresh a soul. We all feel in need of a fresh perspective. Adam has offered me his arm, and as I talk to him, […]

We take up an entire row in the airplane—Kevin with Adam on one side, me with Josh and Riley on the other.  This placement, of course, has been strategic: the young one with the most fear smack beside his Father, so close he can feel the warmth of him, can hear his dad living, breathing […]

“Do you think this is the hardest part, really, this anticipation?” Zoe squints a little, looking at me as she asks this.  In her blue eyes I see a sliver-sharp stretch of sky. We sit on the back porch on a Sunday afternoon, Kevin and Zoe and me, all of us restless and melancholy, sad […]