In the black stillness of morning, I groan, thrusting my toes out into the cold that has settled on the room.  I have no choice but to get up, so I throw off the covers and slide out of bed, meandering around the Christmas tree to feel for the plug.  Let there be light.  I gaze […]

This is such a crazy time, isn’t it?! In the end, it is something in every way tiny–a broken hairband, actually, popping and snapping against my fingers–that finally breaks my resolve.  It’s always that way with a slow crumble.  Millions of rips–unseen, unheard, unhealed–weaken the muscle until finally the barest graze finishes the work. I stand behind […]

“Don’t come into the kitchen,” she says, rushing over to me as I walk in the door, as Adam squeezes past and dumps his bag on the table, emptying it of its contents.  “It’s a surprise…Don’t come in.” I close my mama mouth and smile, even though I’m thinking that I already know the surprise—she’s […]

3 am and I wake with a gasp, resurrected from deep sleep.  I am so tired that the word tired doesn’t quite work.  Trampled might be better. It is an unlikely night for a victory. Adam stands next to my bed, shifting, trying for words.  I’m not sure if he touched me or if I […]

The morning rushes from the start.  Light, cold and sterling, glowing fresh, bleeds through the curtains.  We swing our legs toward the chill, gathering hope, tucking promises deep. In the first moments of waking, we dress for battle.  The sword flashes, Powerful Word cutting away and shaping new, and we whisper prayers, and we get […]

“DKA (diabetic ketoacidosis) is a medical emergency, and without treatment it can lead to death.” This truth makes me shudder as I kneel beside my son and scrub the leg of his jeans where he points, where some of the toxic sickness missed the bucket beside him and soiled his clothes.  Sick Adam is strong, […]

We walk in the museum as the day turns to shadow—my sister-friend and I and our bouncing scribble of children.  Our group moves like an earthworm—fat and thick in the middle, undulating in a thin, crooked line in front and behind.  We are multi-colored coats, scarves, boots and tennis shoes, wading into the snarl in […]

My children live for what’s coming. One of the first things autism parents learn, while the word still tastes bitter in our mouths and progress feels an odyssey away, is that a well-used schedule can change your life.  In the old days, when I still couldn’t quite explain out loud why we all floundered, I thought I’d never […]