Rock Stars
As a rock star, I have two instincts, I want to have fun, and I want to change the world. I have a chance to do both. ~Bono
Every morning this week, Adam has gotten out of bed excited. And yesterday, he not only declared himself “excited!!” but also continued with, “I’m happy today!” Today, he said even more. “Good morning! I’m happy today! Excited!” Or at least, that’s what they tell me.
The day after Christmas, Mom and Dad drove back to the beach, their car stuffed full of suitcases. And gifts. And kids. Adam followed my dad around all morning as though he were stuck to Dad’s leg, and he buckled himself into their car three times before it was actually time to depart. In fact, my kids were all so excited about the trip that they rushed Mom and Dad out the door. Zoe packed her new toys up in the afternoon on Christmas Day. On Saturday, in one gigantic whooosh, they were waving and driving, and Kevin and I were standing in our living room alone, surprised by the silence.
In our family, grandparents are rock stars. All six of them (three still on this earth, one in heaven, and two honorary—and you know who you are). And Kevin and I wouldn’t trade anything for their love and influence in the kids’ lives. Bill Cosby once said, “…grandparents are God’s gifts to children. And if they can but see, hear and feel what these people have to give, they can mature at a fast rate.” I also like the way Rudy Giuliani put it: “What children need most are the essentials that grandparents provide in abundance. They give unconditional love, kindness, patience, humor, comfort, lessons in life. And, most importantly, cookies.” They’re rock stars, I tell you (And if you have any doubt, you need only see our kids’ faces and hear their shouts and giggles and exclamations when their grandparents arrive for a visit. When Mom and Dad arrived for Christmas, Adam greeted my dad with, “My PaPa…hug!!”) Rock stars…I use that term a lot these days for people that we love. It’s just the perfect way to summarize in two words an immeasurable amount of adoration combined with equal parts influence, over-the-top popularity, sparkling oh-so-special personalities, we-wouldn’t-trade-them moments, and enough fanfare to supercharge the universe.
January is Riley’s month to go to Mom and Dad’s house between Christmas and our “Killen Christmas” at Edisto, and to quote Andy Rooney, “elephants and grandchildren don’t forget.” Elephants, grandchildren, and especially Riley. Before we ever brought it up, she talked about her trip there using the words “when I go,” not “if.” Neater still, she asked Zoe and Adam if they wanted to go too, knowing she would have to share all that superstar attention. She also knew that it was unnecessary to ask her Grandma and Papa for permission to invite them. So, the Three Ring Circus went on the road to Edisto, and they’ve been having a blast.
And in the midst of this marvelous, restful break, I’ve gotten all the headlines from Circus at the Beach. They go something like this:
“My favorite thing I did today was play I Spy with Grandma.” I’ve heard that more than once. And sometimes, “And PaPa got to play today too!!”
“Grandma, you don’t look as old when I look at your eyebrows.”
“And today at church I saw Andrew, McKayla, Uncle Scott, Aunt Monica, Ms. Mable, Mr. Larry and Ms. Carolyn, and Doug Brown.”
“Umm…Handy Manny had an accident. His face fell off. Adam dropped him and his face just fell right off.”
Adam (gesturing toward a line of monkeys in the kitchen floor and one of his Handy Manny tools): “My family! …and Squeeze.”
“Guess what my new favorite food is?! Beets!! I’m just kidding. I don’t really like beets. I tried them today. Yuck.”
“Mom, when you were my age you did homework just like me. WOW.”
“We played teacher today. Zoe and I were both teachers. Our students were Rose Bear, and Sam, and Moose, and I named the red bear Jingle Bells, and the teal bear I named Dries. We just taught them all kinds of STUFF.”
“Grandma and PaPa are just THE BEST the whole wiiddde worrrllldd.”
“Nah, we didn’t watch any ball games today (New Year’s Day). We played with the kids!”
That last one reminded me of a quote by Gene Perret: “My grandchild has taught me what true love means. It means watching Scooby-Doo cartoons while the basketball game is on another channel.” True love has motivated a tremendous amount of sacrifice on the part of our rock star grandparents. While in the care of their grandparents, our kids learn practical (Mom teaches the girls to cook! Riley is now an expert bacon turner.) and impractical things (like how funny yawns can be); they laugh and cry; they read and learn Bible stories; they create artwork; they dance; they become better readers; they watch movies; they grow more independent; they meet new people; they wake up snuggling; they work on good table manners; they practice patience, turn taking, and anger management; they eat an abundance of good food–sometimes at all of their favorite restaurants (Opa took them on “Opa’s Amazing Fast Food Eatery Tour” this past October while they were staying with him. Zoe has decided that McDonald’s chicken nuggets are the worst to be had, and she’s stickin’ to it.); they act silly; they worship; they pretend; they experience more than can fit into any list; and they make memories that are priceless. And all the while, Kevin and I rest, and laugh, and marvel that things stay clean a long time. We remember spontaneity and sanity; we miss them; and we get charged up to do it all again.
And now Mom is tired. That’s something I get.:) Kids—all kids—are constant motion and constant need. With our kids all that motion and need are just sometimes a bit more eclectic. And our grandparents are hands-on, all-in, full-tilt grandparents. An unknown author out there wrote, “A grandmother is a little bit parent, a little bit teacher, and a little bit best friend.” That’s Mom. She teaches, she guides, she leads, she serves, she plays hard, she laughs and laughs and laughs. Dad reads and tells stories every night, he puts the kids to bed, he teaches, he plays, he laughs and laughs and…Well, you get the idea. Opa takes the kids all over town to do things when they are with him—to the park, the toy store, the park, church, the park, restaurants, the PARK…And this year, he “flew solo” with the girls for an entire week. And then he was tired. One grandpa who could relate said, “Grandchildren don’t stay young forever, which is good because Pop-pops have only so many horsey rides in them. …My grandkids believe I’m the oldest thing in the world. And after two or three hours with them, I believe it, too.”
What a tremendous, immeasurable blessing our grandparents are to us. My favorite memories of my own grandparents involve pizza and goodies, rides together in the convertible, corny jokes, games of Nerts, shared coffee, words of wisdom,the best hugs, and lots of laughter. Those relationships are precious, and not something Kevin and I ever want to take for granted. We want to honor our parents in these rock star relationships. Part of that , for us, means offering them faithful trust and freedom. No human being is ever perfect. Our parents get tired. Sometimes they lose patience with the kids, or speak in a tone they’d rather they hadn’t, or make mountains out of mole hills. Sometimes, when they’d really rather not, they have to say no or don’t do that. Sometimes, they just don’t have enough energy left to do it again or silently stand by while their buttons are pushed and their pet peeves are paraded before their eyes. Those things happened when they were just parents, too. Those things happen for us as parents. Almost every day. But, more often than not, love, unselfishness, and divinely-poured-out patience overwhelm those human weaknesses. And in the process, our kids learn that imperfections do not equal failure or condemnation. They learn that exhaustion and an occasional short temper do not equal the absence of love or its diminishing. And they get to see first hand what dying to self is all about. They get to feel so much love that it bubbles out of them in giggles, shrieks, and flapping arms. They wake up every morning excited.
So, in love and the deepest respect, we don’t sensor or second guess the rock stars. We don’t monitor them or tell them how to be grandparents (What do we know, after all? We’re not even sure we’re parenting well, except from our knees.). Instead, we sit back and grin. And while the kids are gone, we watch movies in the middle of the day, take naps, read books, write:). And we feel so full watching our kids bloom beneath the umbrella of so much love that all we can do is give thanks to God for granting our kids such cherished relationships.
We know how blessed we are. We know there are grandparents out there who don’t enjoy that role anymore than they enjoyed parenthood. There are also grandparents out there who underestimate their value. Perhaps, they need us to tell them. And trust them. And love them the way they love us and our children—weaknesses overlooked and forgiven, strengths celebrated.
To our parents—our kids’ “rock star” grandparents—thank you. You gift us with rest while sacrificing your own. You help us believe in endless possibility. You offer us new perspectives. You bequeath hope, offer wisdom, and help us to grow as parents. You teach all of us. You join us in the grand adventure, with all of it’s chaos, and you laugh with us in the midst of it. You delight in us and share our celebrations. You stand with us in difficulty. You join us in rooting our kids deeply in love, and you grant them the joy and treasure of your influence. Words aren’t enough.
Grandmas are moms with lots of frosting. ~Author Unknown
To a small child, the perfect granddad is unafraid of big dogs and fierce storms but absolutely terrified of the word “boo.” ~Robert Brault
Grandma always made you feel she had been waiting to see just you all day and now the day was complete. ~Marcy DeMaree
Few things are more delightful than grandchildren fighting over your lap. ~Doug Larson
