121Jul 17, 2020
“At least I’m doing something,” Zoe says, shadow-mumbling, making reckless half-spins in my office chair, turned to face Kevin and me, coffee mug cradled in her hands. “I mean, I’m trying.” I wait for a wave of hot coffee to crest and spill over the side of her mug, wait for it to drip from […]
122Jul 10, 2020
In the morning, we friends gather on Zoom, collecting on a screen the way we once surrounded coffee shop tables, dropping handbags on the floor, dragging over extra chairs, only now new windows open into presence in front of us like blinking eyes, and here I sit at home with my wet-from-the-shower hair, and we […]
123Jul 3, 2020
“But I don’t know when she’ll wake up,” Riley says, gulping back her tears even as they glisten. “I know,” I say, a hand on her shoulder, thinking how hard it is to persevere, not knowing when. “But she doesn’t have to get up at any certain time; she doesn’t like to in the Summer.” […]
124Jun 26, 2020
“So, how are you doing?” “You know how it is,” I say, standing on the front porch, squenching my bare toes against the rough concrete, six feet away from two friends who, like sisters, have loved me through years of scars and laughter. I have lines etched into my face from both the joy and […]
125Jun 19, 2020
In our many hours of learning, we learn how to pray. I pass out empty index cards because my children, who find it hard to function without discernment of the edges, need discrete lines, spaces they can see in which to realize and organize real hopes into real petitions. The moments to consider, to plan, […]
126Jun 5, 2020
I end my call, and putting down my phone, I tell them bluntly (might as well get it over with): “Friday, you have a dental appointment.” Admittedly, it feels odd to say the word appointment again, especially with my mind full of new protocols–masks and me waiting in the car and everyone’s temperature checked upon […]
127May 22, 2020
Beside me, Adam’s voice breaks, shattering into silence. I glance over to read his face, careful not to linger lest he feel my gaze; he doesn’t like me to watch him worship. My son could care less if I walk in on him in the bathroom when he’s wearing no clothes and stepping into the […]
128May 15, 2020
Riley hears us on the stairs, the push-pull comedy of Kevin and me moving a desk up to the room from which Kevin now works most of the week. She hears her dad pouring out his strength; hears me straining to lift when the desk snags the edge of a step; hears both of us […]
129May 8, 2020
I kneel next to Adam’s feet, a piece of string stretched along the floor, Sharpie poised. “Don’t move,” I tell him, which comes close to telling Adam not to breathe. He stands in place, but shifts a thin, wide hand to one hip. His toes drift up from the floor and I press them back […]
130Apr 17, 2020
Sometimes all I can see is what hurts, what’s hard, what I wish could be different. Before we even leave our driveway, Riley stops, setting her water bottle down, handing me the paper, her pen. She lifts her sunglasses, peers more closely at her phone. “It says license plate, so…” She talks to herself more […]