In the waiting room, I sit on a cushy sofa beside a water feature that transforms the wall into a waterfall. Rivulets gurgle, trickling down over curvy metal panels–shiny blue, polished silver, suggesting the play of light over undulating bodies of fish, a pulling current. The water disappears behind a panel at the bottom. I […]

tap, tap, tap taptaptaptap, tap I hear it, a sound like progress, the sound of getting-it-done. I follow the sound into the kitchen, driven to the table where Adam works his way through his daily list, the list I made to keep him found and present, to keep him using his mind. Adam leans over […]

“I’m bringing you food,” my friend says, “on Monday or Tuesday. I’ll bring it frozen, so you can use it whenever you need it.” She waves her hand dismissively, like it’s nothing, but to me, it’s so much. It’s the sudden reminder that I’m not alone, and it’s instant inspiration to love others better. I […]

Saturday afternoon, I twist in a hammock chair on the back porch, one foot tucked up and the other dangling, a book splayed open in my lap. Spinning my way through a story, here and not here, I rest in the travel lands while Kevin dozes beside me, Kindle rising and falling on his chest. […]

“Hey Mom? What are you doing?” Riley asks, bending over my shoulder with her eyes on my computer, thick, brassy hanks of her hair falling away from captivity behind her ears. She straightens a little, tucks those errant strands back away from her cheeks, never taking her eyes off my screen. Of course, she can […]

Why must we struggle through absolutely everything? Sometimes that question becomes the refrain of a day, the melancholy sigh that sounds as I run out of breath slogging up the hills, as a cramp ramps up in the side of my foot, as I stand in the kitchen cutting chicken with my sharpest knife. Pain […]

“Mom, guess what?!” Riley says. From the living room, I can hear the zip as she opens her bookbag, the rattle of papers as she searches. “What?” I ask, somewhat dutifully, being both distracted and also fully familiar with Riley’s enthusiasm for ordinary details. Once, she behaved this way before producing a list of movies […]

Once upon a time, there lived a boy who struggled to talk, and because he struggled to talk, he also struggled to make connections, even with the people he loves. “Adam, tonight you pick the topic of conversation,” Kevin says, as we, The Blessed Ones, gather around our table at the end of the day. […]

Within the first five minutes of her arrival, our new friend Stella sits doubled-over, arms folded tightly against her waist. It’s move-up morning in kids’ ministry, and Stella has just finished the first grade. This is her first time in the chaotic whirl of the older elementary group. A young friend pats my back, interrupting […]

I gather plates for Adam’s birthday cake; they clink in my hands. He wanted chocolate–the cake (the frosting, the ice cream), and I have already carried it in, along with the knife, long and shiny and sharp. The cake looks imperfect, and therefore perfect for us, shaped like a sweet, dark hill. I placed the […]