I love so many hurting people. And the impulse I have, because it’s God obliterating me, is to bring them joy. I want to grab the heavy shadows shrouding them and rip them apart with my hands. I want to free them from the grip of the things that steal their laughter. I want to […]

She’s afraid she’ll wake up and I’ll be forever gone, that the darkness will steal me away from her. We sit together all curled up, watching something on TV.  I absently stroke her hair with my fingers, gently nudging out the tangles, and she tries to move closer, to squeeze out all the space between […]

3 am and I wake with a gasp, resurrected from deep sleep.  I am so tired that the word tired doesn’t quite work.  Trampled might be better. It is an unlikely night for a victory. Adam stands next to my bed, shifting, trying for words.  I’m not sure if he touched me or if I […]

We walk in the museum as the day turns to shadow—my sister-friend and I and our bouncing scribble of children.  Our group moves like an earthworm—fat and thick in the middle, undulating in a thin, crooked line in front and behind.  We are multi-colored coats, scarves, boots and tennis shoes, wading into the snarl in […]

She sits, curled on my bed, the polish on her toes slightly chipped, and she reads, absently pushing an errant blonde wisp back from her forehead. I am struck by her beauty, the beauty of having her near. The reading has absorbed her, first her Bible, then the devotional book we gave her for her […]

It’s time. I glance at my watch and sigh, not ready to stand, not ready to gulp the last of my coffee and sit the mug by the sink, not ready to see Kevin off to work, not ready to help Adam brush his teeth.  Not ready.  Never quite ready. Upstairs, we stand in the […]

Saturday, we pile in the van to take Zoe to a friend’s house for the afternoon, and I switch on navigation on my phone.  All the times Zoe’s been there to play, for birthday parties, and Kevin has always driven her.  Before we pull out of the driveway, the digital female voice has repeated the […]

It will look worse before it looks better. Spring cleaning in early summer (because it takes me weeks to find the sabbatical I’ve been chasing), and this I keep reminding myself while making dinner on a tiny slice of counter top in the kitchen.  In the background, the collection of pitchers I pushed back to […]

It’s as though every day is the first time I’ve met God, the first time I’ve loved Him. I wake up and I can’t remember who I am, or that I’m abundantly blessed.  I feel trapped in the weary, aware of the walls that surround me, boxed in and dull.  And then He shows me […]

I know how you feel. Days come when I wake up and think, I don’t want to do this. I feel like the husk of a woman, emptied. I am clay, a bowl dusty from the kiln, all scooped out by the master’s hand and cooling in the ashes.  With His fingers He has crumbled and […]