41
Nov 10, 2023
“I’m so thankful God gave us such a beautiful day for our walk,” Riley says, and it’s like she’s reading my mind as I stare wide-eyed at flame-red leaves set against a cloudless sky, as I watch the sunlight dance, as I listen to my daughter, who once could not speak at all, describe what […]
42
Oct 6, 2023
“Bible reading, Bible reading, Bible reading,” Adam calls out, his voice dry and deep, an early crackling that sounds a bit to my imagination like the feet of God walking in the Fall of His creation. “Bible reading, Bible reading, Bible reading, Bible reading, Bible reading.” Adam’s a bird—my grandma used to say that about […]
43
Sep 22, 2023
By the time Riley comes to find me for our prayer, I have slid so far down into my pillows as to be almost completely horizontal, and, to be honest, I keep falling asleep, so the book in my hands keeps lightly knocking me in the nose and waking me up. I have read the […]
44
Sep 15, 2023
The same day that I sit in the hammock chair on the porch reading Ezekiel, my bare toes curled and hardly touching the wood planks of the floor, my body twisting slowly in the newborn morning, Kevin gently says to me, “I think you need one of those days when you leave your phone on […]
45
Sep 8, 2023
Especially on Friday mornings, we feel the flat, sharp, immovable borders of our own built-in human limitations, and we groan, searching blindly for a Godly perspective. I’ve come to understand that this is the battle, although on the surface it looks, more practically, like Riley stumbling through our open garage door with teary eyes, her […]
46
Aug 25, 2023
On the Fridays when Josh spends the day with us, Riley, Josh, and I have conversations about what they’ll do for each other in-case-of-seizure. They sit at the bar, our couple, their fingers interlaced, while I stand in front of them at the kitchen sink, my hands preoccupied with washing. “Now Josh,” I begin. He […]
47
Aug 18, 2023
As she walks, baby girl holds on to my friend’s finger for dear life, just the one, in a white-knuckled grip. “You can do this on your own, sweet girl; you don’t need me,” my friend is saying, her coffee forgotten and growing cold on the kitchen table. Baby girl keeps taking those exaggerated steps, […]
48
Aug 11, 2023
“Are you Adam’s mom?” Our young friend Becky asks me, lightly fingering a little-girl hairclip at the side of her head, looking up at me with wide, quiet eyes of fathomless blue. I feel touched by the hint of wonder in her expression. Becky must be in the third grade. I had watched earlier as […]
49
Aug 4, 2023
When I open the email about Adam’s blood work, I have just finished telling the Lord that I don’t understand why everything always has to be so hard. I know that everything and always are sweeping, emotional words, but God is a sweeping, omniscient God who doesn’t need me to “pretty up” my feelings. I’ve […]
50
Jul 28, 2023
I sit in the hammock swing on our screened porch, waking, cradling my coffee cup in my hands, watching the steam curl and rise out of that mug toward the dark, lacy outline of the evergreen trees bordering our neighbor’s yard. I smile gently at those trees, at the way they look right now, black […]