tap, tap, tap taptaptaptap, tap I hear it, a sound like progress, the sound of getting-it-done. I follow the sound into the kitchen, driven to the table where Adam works his way through his daily list, the list I made to keep him found and present, to keep him using his mind. Adam leans over […]

The Lord is my shepherd; I lack nothing. I say it so quietly no one can hear, with my useless hands jammed under my thighs. From the exam room in the oral surgeon’s office, I watch as the dental assistant walks my son across the hall for x-rays. Her long hair, shiny with florescent light, […]

“Hey Mom? What are you doing?” Riley asks, bending over my shoulder with her eyes on my computer, thick, brassy hanks of her hair falling away from captivity behind her ears. She straightens a little, tucks those errant strands back away from her cheeks, never taking her eyes off my screen. Of course, she can […]

Why must we struggle through absolutely everything? Sometimes that question becomes the refrain of a day, the melancholy sigh that sounds as I run out of breath slogging up the hills, as a cramp ramps up in the side of my foot, as I stand in the kitchen cutting chicken with my sharpest knife. Pain […]

“Mom, guess what?!” Riley says. From the living room, I can hear the zip as she opens her bookbag, the rattle of papers as she searches. “What?” I ask, somewhat dutifully, being both distracted and also fully familiar with Riley’s enthusiasm for ordinary details. Once, she behaved this way before producing a list of movies […]

Once upon a time, there lived a boy who struggled to talk, and because he struggled to talk, he also struggled to make connections, even with the people he loves. “Adam, tonight you pick the topic of conversation,” Kevin says, as we, The Blessed Ones, gather around our table at the end of the day. […]

All the way to school, Riley reads me her birthday messages, one after another, turning down the music as she clears her throat. All of this affectionate acknowledgement adds up as evidence to one solid truth that right now glows on Riley’s cheeks: I am loved. It’s the one thing we all need to know–I.am.loved, […]

Mid-morning, and my friend and I wander to the table, navigating around stacks of books and piles of tools, cardboard boxes, the basket of beach towels that belongs in the linen closet. The innards of several rooms sit on my living room floor, as though we turned the walls inside out and shook loose the […]

On a rainy morning, the drops like sheets, the thickness of clouds casting shadow over waking, Kevin and I wander from our room in search of coffee. Riley pauses at the top of the stairs to greet us, bright-voiced, sunshine breaking. “How are you feeling?” Kevin asks, but seeing her puzzled, wobbly expression, quickly amends, […]

The curtains open and the music swells, and I imagine flitting, light-winged, across the stage, which looks blue, lit like the sky. I imagine the freedom of soaring, the air wrapping about my waist like a pair of lifting hands. They will soar on wings like eagles, I remember. They will run and not grow […]